you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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