clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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