Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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