He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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