and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
