i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
bring money and cleavage
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
