I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
