he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
