I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Can I color on your dick again?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
