they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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