why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize