Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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