Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
