I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
