Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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