U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
