we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
