I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
