college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i drank out of a bidet.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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