smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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