FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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