I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
