you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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