i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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