I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
