I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
