im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize