He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
