Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize