she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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