Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
