omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
