After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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