This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
