Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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