does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize