just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
