your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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