I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
