You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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