guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
