He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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