Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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