somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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