Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
everyone is single if you try hard enough
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
