I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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