have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
organizing the empties. That sober.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
