i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
