Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
