just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We are all done wearing pants today
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
