He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
