i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
what day is it and did you see me today?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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