I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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