he wants to bone in the snuggie
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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