He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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