good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
