theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
