Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
