Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
