What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
