i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
