the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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