Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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