I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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