Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
