I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Welp...herpes.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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