the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
