And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
